Post #6633

Found out one of my husband's friends is abusing his wife and they all rally behind him. How do you deal with that? We recently found out that one of the boys in my husband's friend group (5 friends since high school so 15+ years) is extremely abusive to his wife (they also have 2 kids under 6). Here are some things we found out from his wife. Has been having an affair since March with a co-worker, having unprotected sex and then coming home and having sex with her. Says he's leaving her for his AP. Has hit her once early in the relationship and continues to have no issue physically pushing her out of the way when he storms out during a fight. Forced her to perform sex acts she's never done nor wanted to do in order to 'win him back'. During this he stopped halfway through tell her she's disgusting, he's not attracted to her and blames her for 'manipulating him into sex'. (because remember, he's in love with his affair partner!) Constantly flip flops between saying he's making a mistake and wants to be with his wife, then literally leaving to go see his AP and tell her the same thing. Tell her he hates her constantly, calls her disgusting, worthless and even worse things. Has started being mean to his 3 year old son for being a 'cry baby and a sissy'. drinks all night long and is doing cocaine and god knows what other drugs. Explicitly tells her every sexual thing he's done with his affair partner. Constantly promises he's going to be right back to make dinner for the kids but never returns. Tried to prevent the other wives in the friend group from talking to her (gee, I wonder why). Wife had a mis carriage at 4 months last year and told everyone "she was different afterwards! All I want is a hot meal and blowjob after I get home from work." Y'all. This man sells boats. HE'S A SALESMAN! Forced her to have anal sex (literally snuck it in DRY). She cried and said it was the worse pain she's ever felt. He tells her he still fantasizes about it. Can you imagine your partner fantasizing about causing you extreme sexual pain? The problem is that even knowing all of this stuff, the boys in the group say "Well he's never done anything like that to me! We've been friends for YEARS and I've never seen him do anything like that." They said they are not ready to give up on their friend. I've always been suspicious of him, he always gave me a bad vibe and even my husband's own parents told him the same thing (SINCE HIGHSCHOOL). Over a year ago I told my husband that his friend was going to do something, do what I don't know, I just had this gut feeling. But this is so much worse than I ever thought. I am furious. They all say what he did was not okay and they don't condone any of it and they are all super upset about it yet....they don't say any of that to their friend. They don't explicitly tell him that what he's done is fucked up and he needs help. They just act like nothing happened when he's around. My husband has been the most upset about this, he's realized he doesn't know his friend and he is not okay with what he's doing to his wife (who is a truly good-hearted person, probably why he was able to get away with it for so long) but doesn't want to let a 15+ year friendship go. Even if he did let the friendship go, the rest of the boys group aren't so what does that mean for him? I don't know how to deal with that. How can you be friends with someone who does that to women? How can you allow him anywhere near another woman? Why are all the guys so eager to put the mask back on? I cannot un-see or un-know what I know. Who will protect women if all the men in our lives turn their backs on abuse? Where is the line to stand up for what is right? Why won't any of the men stand up for women against other men? I've lost so much respect for them and I am struggling with my husband's involvement. I c... source