Post #6675

I am so sick of faking orgasms. I refuse. I resign. I never intended to fake it, ever. I mean, no one ever does, right? I grew up reading romance novels starting at 8 (let's goooooo, 90s parenting!). I was reading erotica by 12. I "discovered" my body the summer I turned 9. I knew what it felt like, I knew how to get myself there, I understood the exact mechanics of how it's supposed to work. And just like we all do growing up, I heard the jokes about women faking orgasms and not really liking sex. I was aware it was an issue. And I understood that by faking an orgasm, I would be shooting myself in the foot. Then I had sex. It was nothing like the books and the advice and the stories I'd heard from friends. I knew that what was written was highly romanticized and curated to deliver a specific and usually unattainable experience. But it was nothing like what I was told. At first, I didn't fake it. I just... didn't orgasm. I told the truth when boys asked if me I came. And it got me nowhere. They didn't try to improve their technique, they didn't change anything about what they did, and they didn't actually seem to care, at all. Except for the blow to their egos, which they made certain to punish me for. So, I started faking it. No boy/man ever noticed. Not one single time--none of the guys who boasted that they could "absolutely tell every single time if a girl is faking" ever caught on. Which is somewhat ridiculous, considering these dudes thought they were superman and could make me orgasm after a min of penetrative sex, or have orgasm after orgasm. Bc they expected it. That's the thing. I could feel them waiting for me to climax and getting increasingly frustrated or annoyed or bored the longer it took. Bc I would try, with each new sexual partner, to not fake it. I was fully aware of the vicious cycle I was perpetuating with my Oscar worthy performances. And every single time, we'd get 15-20 min in and... Nada. And it pissed them off or hurt their pride, every time. That is, if they even noticed or cared. So, I'd make some excuse and then just start faking. Admittedly, I was being stupid AF myself--just a complete dumb dumb--but come on... How did these men think it feasible for me to have 4 orgasms back to back? How did they believe me when I would fake it 6 or 7 fucking times in one go? It's not like they'd never had sex with anyone but me, so ignorance isn't an explanation lol. I told these dudes my urges and desires. I told them what I like. And it never mattered. My late husband was the only man who ever actually listened somewhat to what I wanted in bed. As for my own theories as to why I had these issues, I kind of assumed my whole life that there was something 'wrong' with me. I wasn't experiencing any of the sensations I was apparently supposed to. I mean, society makes it clear enough that women are supposed to dislike sex, so I thought I was simply experiencing a very intense version of a ubiquitous issue. Moreover, I have proclivities that many don't share, so certain sexual "needs" of mine never got met at all. And I am SICK of it. I am sick of "aiming to please" to my own detriment. I am sick of denying myself pleasure so as not to bruise egos. Why put myself thru the ordeal of having mediocre sex where I have to fake an orgasm after they've been down there for 15 minutes with no results. I am sick of putting myself on the back burner. Bc I finally know what true arousal feels like. I finally know what it feels like to climax while intensely aroused. I finally know what it's like to have my sexual desires valued and met. And I am never going back. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1eplyqh/i_am_so_sick_of_faking_orgasms_i_refuse_i_resign/source