Post #390

Hey hey, everyone! I'm here with a more in-depth #update regarding everything. I'm feeling relatively okay as of this moment, so I'm gonna take an opportunity to clear some things up and fill yall in. I try to broadly update as I go on Bluesky, but I feel like that format isn't really good for giving an in-depth update, especially with how much I need to cover. Lemme organize my thoughts n get'em written down. Health: My physical health is very abysmal right now, admittedly. I'm tired most days, nap at least once or twice a day, and feel sick/dizzy very often. I have a mass on the side of my neck that's about the size of a marble, and I'm unsure of what exactly it is. I plan to get this looked at soon and hopefully removed. I fear that it's causing some of my sickness, but that's also unclear. As for my mental health - not very okay in that department, either. I'm sure it's been rather obvious with my radio silence on a lot of fronts and overall lack of productivity. I'm pretty sure I reached a breaking point, and burnout is a thing I'm dealing with also. I'm dealing with a lot of grief (Stevie's passing really hurt), stress, and trauma. I wish to apologize to friends n folks who wish to talk to me more often. I want to reach back out to yall, and I will when I can. 🥺 I've been having to focus heavily on just surviving. I have never considered my mortality as much as I have going through all of this - so I hope everyone understands. It's been really scary. Art: I feel like I've hit a bit of a wall with my art. Between the burnout and symptoms I've been experiencing w my mental/physical health, it's been hard to focus and sustain much mental effort. I'm going at a very, very slow pace, but I promise that all will be done when I can. ❤️ I wish to take my time with my art and find that spark again. I've lost it recently, and it's hard to really put your all into something when you don't feel that spark. I still intend to do two commissions per week, though. I plan to resume that course of action by this upcoming Monday, after I've had some time to relax and prepare for the future. I feel like two per weeks is reasonable with all things considered! A few final things! I know this all sounds doom n gloom, but... there's actually something extremely promising on the horizon for my partner and I. I want to tell yall soon, when some things are more set in stone. But, I'm 95% sure this is happening, and it'll be really good for the both of us. 😭 All-in-all... I'm still feeling really bad n sick, but things are gonna be looking up soon enough. I'll be reaching out n working on my messages here over the next while, along with art that I need to do. ❤️ I'll keep yall updated, too. I will most likely update mostly on my Bluesky, so keep an eye out! Thank you to everyone who has joined me in this journey so far. I look forward to the future!! 🥹 - Toofs