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You know who has more descendents than Genghis Khan? Genghis khan's dad #other@Sickipedia

When I was little a strange old man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason. Now after devoting my life to building a time machine of my own, I'm finally ready to go back to when he was little, and we'll see how he likes it! #other@Sickipedia

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!" #other@Sickipedia

An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, " I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, " " Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your son." #other@Sickipedia

The difference between cocaine and meth is Coke is what you do when you want to go out and dance. But meth is what you do when you want to conquer all of Europe in four days. #other@Sickipedia

Linkedin is the complete opposite of Tinder On linkedin beautiful girls message nerdy guys without getting any replies. #other@Sickipedia

A shark can swim faster than me… But I can run faster than a shark, so in a triathlon it would all come down to who is a better cyclist. #other@Sickipedia

My grandfather poured his blood, sweat and tears into his career. Amazing man. Horrible chef. #other@Sickipedia

My girlfriend just dumped me. She said in a teary tirade: “I can’t take your shit any more. You’re so pedantic. Everything I do is wrong. I loved you so much, but it’ll never be enough for you.... .... I’m leaving now. Me and Gary are driving up north through the night and then you’ll never hear from me again” She was about to close the door when I yelled “No, no….waaait” She turned back, tears in her eyes, a glimmer of hope still remained. That was when I uttered those three magic words. “Gary and I” #other@Sickipedia

What do supportive fathers and unsupportive fathers have in common when they have a trans daughter? “I have no son.” #other@Sickipedia

The guy who picked on me all through high school and then became a millionaire just placed a delivery order at KFC. Now I get the last laugh. I gave him original recipe and he ordered extra crispy. Checkmate John, you fucking loser #other@Sickipedia

My wife texted me this morning and said, “Your great”. I replied, “No, you’re great”. She’s been in a great mood ever since. I should correct her grammar more often. #other@Sickipedia