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Today, I told my really hot co-worker how I felt and she felt the same. So I turned on the air-conditioner. #other @Sickipedia

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make. #other @Sickipedia

Man addicted to drinking brake fluid claims he can stop anytime he wants. #other @Sickipedia

Together, I can beat schizophrenia! #other @Sickipedia

What are two things you can never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner. #other @Sickipedia

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, “What the hell are you doing?” #other @Sickipedia

For all the single people on this feed thinking of getting married, here are the pros and cons. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring. On the other hand, you don’t. #other @Sickipedia

I learned Morse code and then I couldn't sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself. #other @Sickipedia

Anything can be a UFO... if you're really bad at identifying things. #other @Sickipedia

What do you get when you cross a hippie and a ninja? Peace and quiet. #other @Sickipedia

I'm not sure why my dog rushes to the front door every time someone knocks. I mean, it's almost never for him. #other @Sickipedia

A captain aboard a battleship spots a light in the distance in the battleship's path. Not wanting there to be a collision, he radios the source of the light: "Change your course ten degrees south." The response is quick: "Change your course ten degrees north." His pride slightly damaged, the captain responds testily: "I am an admiral, first class! Change your course ten degrees south!" The response: "I am a lieutenant, second class. Change your course ten degrees north." Now losing his patience, the captain angrily radios: "Change your course ten degrees south! I'm in a battleship!" Comes the answer: "Change your course ten degrees north sir, I'm in a lighthouse." #other @Sickipedia