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Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dangerous than beer. discovered this last night. I drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while my wife was just at home drinking tea. You should have seen how mad and violent she was when got home. She threw the chair at me and kept screaming at the top of her lungs. On the other hand, I was quiet and peaceful and silently made my way to bed. But she kept cursing and shouting through the night and well into the next morning. Please friends, if you can't handle your tea, you should not be drinking it. Please avoid drinking tea. #other @Sickipedia

A newly opened bar has a sign outside, beer for only $3 A man sees the sign, walks into the bar and orders a beer. After finishing the beer, the man takes out three $1 coins from his pocket, and feeling a bit mischievous, gets up from his seat, walks to one end of the counter and places a $1 coin there. He then walks over to the other end of the counter and places another $1 coin there. Finally, he walks back to his seat and places the third $1 coin right in the middle of the counter. The bartender gives him an odd look but has no other option but to walk the entire length of the bar counter to pick up the coins. This went on repeatedly over the next few days and each day the bartender felt more and more annoyed at the man's behaviour. One day, the man returns again to order a beer but realises he doesn't have enough $1 coins to place them all over the counter. So, he hands the bartender a $5 note. At this point, the bartender gets all excited and thinks that it is finally his day to get his revenge on the man. The bartender quickly takes out two $1 coins and places them at opposite ends of the counter. With a grin on his face, the bartender goes back to the man and says, "Go on then, collect your change". The man then takes out a single $1 coin from his pocket, slides it over to the middle of the counter, and says, "One more beer, please." #other @Sickipedia

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him, and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?" #other @Sickipedia

If men call short women "petite", what do women call short men? "Friends" #other @Sickipedia

A very shy person wanted to learn how to approach a girl. So he went to watch a video on how to overcome shyness and talk to girls. In the video, the coach made a demo where he approched a girl and immediately asked her to guess a number from 1 to 9. The girl said 4, so the coach smiled and replied that the number she picked was the right one and that he can give her a kiss as a gift. So the shy person went to apply what he learned, he approached a girl asked her to guess a number and when she answered 5 he was very disappointed. #other @Sickipedia

I hate it when people show me pictures of their kids. I'm sorry. They're missing, now move on. #other @Sickipedia

All my friends tell me I'm a pussy magnet. Unfortunately I'm the wrong polarity. #other @Sickipedia

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are playing poker when the cops raid the game. The lead officer questions the priest, “Father Murphy, were you gambling? Father Murphy silently asks God to forgive him for what he is about to say. “No, Officer. I was not gambling.” The cop turns to the minister, “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?” Pastor Johnson also appeals to Heaven. “No, Officer. I was not gambling.” The cop finally turns to the rabbi. “Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?” “Gambling?” he asks, glancing at the priest and the minister. “With who?” #other @Sickipedia

Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. #other @Sickipedia

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One! Because they are very effective and don't have a sense of humor!" #other @Sickipedia

The phone rings at 1 a.m. The husband picks it up and yells "how the hell do I know? I'm not a weatherman" and slams down the phone. "Who was that?" the wife says. The husband replies "some jerk who wants to know if the coast is clear." #other @Sickipedia

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along. #other @Sickipedia