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I told my doctor "I broke my arm in two places" Doctor says "You probably shouldn't go back to those places" #other@Sickipedia

Over 20% of automobile accidents in Northern Ontario are caused by moose. I say don’t let them drive. #other@Sickipedia

I found a book called 'How to solve 50% of your problems'. So I bought 2 of them. #other@Sickipedia

The coffee shop had a sign that said "No WiFi, pretend it's 1973!" So, I paid 10¢ for my coffee and lit a cigarette. #other@Sickipedia

What 11-letter English word is always pronounced incorrectly? Incorrectly. #other@Sickipedia

When I was 16 years old I told my mom I wanted to get a motorcycle. She said, "You are not buying a motorcycle. My brother, your uncle who you never met, died in a horrible motorcycle accident. You can have his bike." #other@Sickipedia

I was told to describe myself I one word in a job interview... I said, "bad at following simple instructions." #other@Sickipedia

A man walks onto the campus of Yale University. He walks up to a student and asks "Where's the bathroom at?" The student responds haughtily, "Here at Yale, we're taught not to end a sentence with a preposition." The man realizing his terrible unforgivable mistake corrects himself, "Where's the bathroom at asshole?" #other@Sickipedia

Two very old ladies are driving along and one says to the other, "Did you just run a stop sign"? She replied, "Oh Shit! Am I driving"? #other@Sickipedia

I got rejected on my very first blind date and I don't understand why. My date asked me if I had any pets and I said that I had a goldfish. Any hobbies? I said yes,he likes swimming. #other@Sickipedia

I asked my wife if sex is a chore to her. "Not really," she replied. "Chores make me feel satisfied afterwards." #other@Sickipedia

The day after his wife vanished in a kayaking accident, Long, a man from Anchorage, opened his door to find two serious-looking Alaska State Troopers standing before him. "Mr. Wilkens, we regret to inform you that we have news regarding your wife," one trooper began. "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens blurted out, anxiously. The troopers exchanged glances. One spoke, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some fantastic news. Which would you like to hear first?" Bracing himself, a pale Mr. Wilkens responded, "Give me the bad news." The trooper said, "I'm sorry, sir, but we recovered your wife's body in Kachemak Bay this morning." "Oh no!" gasped Wilkens. After a moment, he gathered himself and asked, "So, what's the good news?" The trooper explained, "Well, when we brought her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and six large Dungeness crabs attached to her. We're confident you’re entitled to a share of the catch." Stunned, Wilkens asked, "If that's the good news, then what's the fantastic news?" With a straight face, the trooper replied, "We're pulling her up again tomorrow." #other@Sickipedia