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My wife said she is divorcing me saying that I was to un-American. Saw it coming from a kilometer away. #other @Sickipedia

The punchline comes before the joke. You know why I hate time travel jokes? #other @Sickipedia

I asked my GF if she likes 6 inch or 12 inch She got offended and said it is a matter of personal choice. Going to Subway for a sandwich can be difficult. #other @Sickipedia

A customer in an Italian restaurant is so pleased with his meal that he insists on telling the chef personally. The owner proudly leads him into the kitchen. “Your pizza is superb,” the customer tells the chef. “I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there.” “Naturally,” the chef says. “Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!” #other @Sickipedia

Women are refusing to sleep with men now that trump got re-elected Apparently, my wife predicted the election two years ago! #other @Sickipedia

A woman is playing with her one year old baby. “You’re so lucky… you slept, you ate, you played, you pooped, and then you slept again.” Her husband’s voice from the bathroom: “Hey, it’s my day off!” #other @Sickipedia

A guy is walking around town when he sees a bar with a sign advertising "All the Beer You Can Drink for $1!" He thinks that's a great deal so he goes in, sits down, hands the bartender a dollar, and asks for a beer. "Sure, right away" says the bartender as he pulls out a tiny shot glass and fills it up halfway. The man is stunned. "What the hell is this?" he asks. "That's all the beer you can drink for $1." #other @Sickipedia

I've discovered the secret to happiness. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or cheat on my girlfriend. Do you know what I do instead? I lie. #other @Sickipedia

My girlfriend called and said to me in a sexy voice “You should come over, no one is home”. So I went over…. No one was home. #other @Sickipedia

He gently slid her panties to one side... So the rest of her socks would fit in the drawer #other @Sickipedia

Cop pulls over a man and says “You were driving on the wrong side of the road.” Driver: Sorry, I’m English. Cop: (shouting) It’s the wrong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?? #other @Sickipedia

I just asked my 9 year old son what he learned in school today He said “apparently not enough because I have to go back tomorrow”. #other @Sickipedia