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A reporter heard that a man in town was turning 101 years old and went to interview him. He asked him "What's the secret to your long life?" The old man said "The secret to long life is clean living: never drink alcohol, never smoke, never use foul language." Just then they heard a commotion and string of expletives coming from the foyer. "Who's that?" the reporter asked. "Oh, that's just my older brother coming home drunk from the cigar shop again." #other @Sickipedia

How do you say non-binary in Italian? Non-binaro or non-binara, based on gender #other @Sickipedia

A guy wakes up with a massive hangover and stumbles into the kitchen, where he finds his wife. “Hey, honey, did you upgrade the bathroom?” he asks. “Why do you ask?” she replies, curious. “Well, I opened the bathroom door, the light turned on by itself, and a cool breeze blew right into my face! It was amazing!” His wife glares at him and says, “So you’re the idiot who pissed in the fridge last night!” #other @Sickipedia

My Grandma just discovered Kanye West and she loves him. She's so excited. And I told her "look. I get it. He makes amazing music and he's really talented. But he's said a lot of bad things about black people and some horrible things about Jews." And she replied "Wait. He makes music? " #other @Sickipedia

My husband told me: "You are the kind of woman they write books about". Turns out it's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. #other @Sickipedia

My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now #other @Sickipedia

Most guys have a fantasy of having sex with 2 women at once... I have fantasy's of having sex with 1 woman twice. #other @Sickipedia

There are many deaths caused by alcohol, but that's fine ... ... because the number of pregnancies caused by alcohol outweighs the deaths. #other @Sickipedia

Do you know the difference between orphans and apples? Apple gets picked. #other @Sickipedia

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says "I'll have a glass of h two o". The second says "I'll have a glass of h two o too". Walks into a bar They both get a glass of water because the bartender isn't a moron, and anyway what kind of bar even keeps hydrogen peroxide let alone sell it by the glass? #other @Sickipedia

When you die people cry and beg for you to come back but, when you do, they freak out #other @Sickipedia

How do you make a cow go "woof"? Cover it in petrol and set it on fire. #other @Sickipedia