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How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None - they just compliment it and get pissed that it won’t screw. #other @Sickipedia

Dentist: "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen." Patient: "I heard you the first time. You didn't have to say it twice." Dentist: "I didn't. That was my echo." #other @Sickipedia

A woman is milking a cow when an angry bull busts loose and goes charging across the field straight for her. A farmhand sees what is happening and starts yelling and waving his arms to warn her. The bull is charging, the farmhand is screaming his head off, but the woman just keeps milking the cow. At the last moment before she is trampled and gored, the bull checks up, lowers his head, and skulks off in another direction while she keeps on milking. Seeing this, the astonished farmhand runs up and says, “Wow! I thought you were dead for sure! Weren’t you afraid of that bull?” And she says, “I would have been, but this cow is his mother in law.” #other @Sickipedia

My wife gazed at me and bit her lip seductively. Unfortunately it was her top lip so she just looked like a piranha. #other @Sickipedia

Leonardo DiCaprio, sitting on a park bench, watching a 26 year old girl walking by he says, "I bet she was a looker in her day" #other @Sickipedia

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means "put down". #other @Sickipedia

Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage. #other @Sickipedia

Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring? #other @Sickipedia

Me: "I am so tired of this workout." Trainer: "that was the tour of the gym” #other @Sickipedia

What does a terrorist say when feeding their baby? Here comes the plane! #other @Sickipedia

I was invited to my friend's wedding last week. When I reached the venue, I found two doors with "bride's guests" written on one and "groom's guests" on the other. I entered the one that said groom's guests and found two more doors, for men and women this time. I went through the one that said men, only to find two more doors. These ones had the signs "people with gifts" and "people without gifts". I went through the second one and found myself outside the venue through the backdoor. #other @Sickipedia

What do the minimum wage and the age of consent have in common? If it weren’t for the law a disturbing number of people would be comfortable going lower. #other @Sickipedia