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Each day thousands of people arrive in our country. They don't have any useful labor skills, they don't even speak the language. They basically sap on our already scarce resources and eventually they will get our jobs. Babies are completely useless! #other @Sickipedia

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” I went in as Batman. #other @Sickipedia

A man and a woman CAN be just friends without there being any sex involved... ...It's called marriage. #other @Sickipedia

Why would T-Rex have a hard time playing the piano? They're extinct. #other @Sickipedia

A woman on the bus just asked me “do you have any pets?” “A goldfish” I said. She then asked “any hobbies?” I replied “he likes swimming.” #other @Sickipedia

People these days are so judgemental I can tell just by looking at them #other @Sickipedia

Never hire someone named Peter as your file manager. Because it's an outdated profession, we have computers to do that now. #other @Sickipedia

My girlfriend got a shitty haircut and she’s crying. I don’t know what she’s crying about, I’m the one that has to get a new girlfriend. #other @Sickipedia

Getting a haircut is sort of like having sex You never want to hear someone say "uh oh" during it #other @Sickipedia

How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None - they just compliment it and get pissed that it won’t screw. #other @Sickipedia

Dentist: "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen." Patient: "I heard you the first time. You didn't have to say it twice." Dentist: "I didn't. That was my echo." #other @Sickipedia

A woman is milking a cow when an angry bull busts loose and goes charging across the field straight for her. A farmhand sees what is happening and starts yelling and waving his arms to warn her. The bull is charging, the farmhand is screaming his head off, but the woman just keeps milking the cow. At the last moment before she is trampled and gored, the bull checks up, lowers his head, and skulks off in another direction while she keeps on milking. Seeing this, the astonished farmhand runs up and says, “Wow! I thought you were dead for sure! Weren’t you afraid of that bull?” And she says, “I would have been, but this cow is his mother in law.” #other @Sickipedia