scribbled diary

"I love you" is the cheapest thing someone can say to you. It costs nothing to whisper it in the dark. It takes no effort to text it back when you send it first. Anyone can mouth those three words while they're already planning their exit. You've heard it from people who stopped defending you to their friends, who made you feel a burden for asking for the bare minimum, who walked away without looking back. Love isn't what people say when their lips are against your neck. It's what they do when no one's watching. It's choosing you every single day, even the boring ones. It's everything but those three words that broke your heart. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

After a certain age, it is literally your responsibility, no one's else, to teach yourself the things you were deprived of, to unlearn and let go of all the toxic habits, because flaunting anger issues, being emotionally unavailable, and not being able to communicate your feelings seems like nothing more than an excuse. Life is unfair to everyone in various ways, a little to some, a lot to others. You cannot spend your whole life whining and complaining about how cruel it was to you; the trauma inflicted upon you cannot be justified, but it is your duty to heal, grow, and feel safe in your mind. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

Of course I can do it alone. I've been doing it. I've learnt how to carry groceries, pain, happiness, memories, solitude -- sometimes all at once. I've figured out how to untangle things no one else noticed they were knotted. I answer my own questions, fight my own doubts, and cheer myself up when the silence is too loud. People often say, "You're so strong," like it's a gift, but noo -- it's something I built brick by brick when no one showed up. yes, I can do it alone. i just wish I didn't always have to. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

as my final act of love; i might never reach out to you again but I'll become everything i told you i would. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

"You're so kind". No, I am not. You haven't seen half the cruelty I am capable of -- to myself. The suffering didn't make me strong. I did. Because I know people who've taken the knife out of their stomach and stabbed those who were the nearest. But I didn't. I took the knife out slowly, although, sometimes it pushed even further inside and when it did come out, I buried it where no one could see it, ever again. So, please remember the next time you're about to say "You're so kind". No, I am not. I chose to be kind despite the storms I carry within. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

all of a sudden he doesn't want to be loved anymore. which is funny because that's what he always wanted. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

whenever you feel stuck & your life feels stagnant or as if nothing is happening. that probably means that you're being given the time and space to work on yourself, heal and release the baggage that's stopping you from reaching where you want to be ! @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

healing isn't linear. sometimes it's peaceful. sometimes it's chaotic. sometimes it feels as if everything's gon fall apart with a blink of an eye. but be patient with the process. your heart is stitching itself together beautifully. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

funny how normal we look when we're breaking. how "im fine" feels easier than explaining. no one notices the parts of us missing. cause we've learnt to smile while we're sinking. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

the bravest thing I did was standing quietly on my own when all I wanted was a shoulder to break down on. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

the intimacy of someone noticing your social absence and texting you "you alive?" >>>> @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━

idk who needs to hear this but u are not a burden if u are a work in progress. u are not weak if u feel everything too deeply. u are not selfish if u have strong boundaries around u to protect your peace. u have a kind heart and u are real with everyone and it is everything. @thelostdiary ━━━━━━━━━